Charafantah's Cave

مرحب بيك فى مجلس الشعب….حيث يجلس النواب على المصطبة

This is just great, i received this email from my cousin, with pictures from the parliament taken from Dream TV with a water mark of “El masa2″

With this going on:

• Ahmed Nazif (أحمد نظيف) the Prime Minister, Boutros Ghali and others are eating “lebb w fosdo2″ this is nuts!!!(in every meaning of the word)
• Mostafa el Fekki (مصطفى الفقى) and others sleeping

Have a look here

How sweet!!! look at the angels sleeping!!! a$$ h0l3!!!

Not to forget, that guy who wanted to remove the taxes on their cars so they can import fancy cheap cars

And the other who was a drug dealer

Or the one with the “Peace Ferry” (عبارة السلام)

And many MANY more…. is this is where you want your tax money to go to? Do yourself a favor, cheat on your taxes, cheat the government, try to rip them off as much as they do to you…and don’t worry, I give you the authority to do this law 7ad 2alak ay 7aga,, 2olo achraf el kashef bas,,,,

begad ba2a 7aram ely beye7sal fel balad da….we have to do something… something like leave the country or so

And you know what the government reaction will be? I bet you they will not allow photographing\media in the parliament anymore.

So, am planning my weekend trip to Sharm – Dahab & Taba… am planning to go sharm thursday night (attend the House Nation at Pacha) then head to Dahab in the morning, spend the day, go Taba and then head back to Cairo Saturday night.
It’s insane, i know…but i will do it anyway

I want to visit Ras Satan, the Blue hole and Ras Abu Galoum, but I don’t think i will have time, we’ll see how it goes.

And here I am today, trying to plan my trip, specially that every minute counts, am spending less than 3 days in 3 different places… so i found some really nice websites that could help you guys around:

Hostel World, did any one knew that you can get a room (B&B) in Dahab for less than 30LE\day? they have A\C too….same as sharm(i think it was around 60-70le)

And the places seems really nice too…and clean…next time you plan a crazy vacation, visit this site.

second thing is WIKImapia  its really nice, its a google map, with tags and wiki functions

you can highlight any place in the globe and put tags and describe the place….

It helped me a lot  understand the geography of the places i’ll go to and discovering a few good spots and chill out places i’ll be going to (e.g. Open Air disco tech in Dahab open on Friday’s how would i know such info without you my love (am talking to the internet here, not YOU offcourse!!! i hate you!! and you know that too!!!!no reason, but i do)

See you when i get back

Yes, i just came back from “Haikesteb” for those who don’t know what Haikesteb is, it’s a vast place in the middle of the desert, on the borders of Cairo, where you have to present yourself for the obligatory military service.

Yegy wa7ed yes2alny, enta 3andak geish? agy ana a2olo la2!!! omal raye7 elhaikesteb leh ya captain? a2olo: 3ashan di balad bent **** ***** #@(*&$ #@(*& *&$@^*&!)~^

Ana el shab el 7ela, omy w abouya rabena ebtalahom beya ana bas….men yom ma etwaladt w omy w abouya mesh tay2en yeshofo 3eyal tany…

El mohem, di tany mara arou7 feha el haikesteb, ba3d maro7t awel mara, w 2alouly el wara2 el matloub wel lazy meno…

I got into my car early in the morning 8:00 am, i arrived there at 9:00 am, though it’s not so far from my home, but the traffic was incredible.

I had to pay 2le to park the car (DOH!!! you F**** force me to get into the army and make me pay too! ah ya welad el 7arameya!!!)
I knew from my previous visit, that i have to park, and then get into a rusty dusty old bus for 0.25le to get to the employees to finish your paper.

After being stuck in the bus like a Sardine fish

and smelling a lot of **** from people standing beside you

We arrived, i try to get into the place, and there is this army soldier trying to organize the entrance, and shouting at people, he made us stand in a line, and made us buy a 1LE application form and let us in.

I found out later that i don’t need this form, but its ok, trying to pass the second gate, the other soldier tried to tell me that i need application form #6 gond!, i told him no thanks, he would’nt let me pass without it…i started to shout, a higher ranking officer came in, and again i didn’t need that application, so i made fun of him and passed, he was so pissed off which really made my day. hehehe

El mohem, going inside, the place is not bad at all, it looks like just renewed everything like a month or two, i give it 6-8 months to get all destroyed again.

I find hundreds of people trying to submit their papers, i have no idea where to go, or if my papers are complete or not.

Suddenly, a high ranking officer came in, trying to organize things, he ordered everyone to sit down, and took their ID cards and told them to wait until he called them.

I tried to ask if my papers are complete or not…but he instead took my ID too and told me to wait!!!!

I tried to ask him a few times if i need any more papers or not, but he refused to answer me.

After 1:15 (YES! you read it right, its one hour 15 minutes) of waiting they finally managed to call my name.

i go to the employee, first thing he say (without even looking at my paper) “hat estemara zar2a w ta3ala” (get the blue application and come back) !!! what the heck?? i go to the other office, i ask the soldier nicely to get me the application, instead he is telling jokes to his friends, i started to loose patience and raise my voice, he looks at me as if am a piece of dog poop and ignored me, as a punishment he started servicing other people who came later, again, i lose patience, i say a comment out in the wild implying on him, people laugh, and he through the application in my face, which i don’t respond to because i was not really in the moode. (again, how much the application costs? 17LE )

I get back to the first employee, to find out that i cant finish the papers today, guess why?

i bet you know, guess why?!!!

MY FATHER’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS F*@*($& MISSING!!!!!

This is bull s**** you could have told me this 2 hours ago and i would bring it and come another day! but no! i have to suffer, if am getting an exemption and i will escape from the daily suffer at the army, at least i have to suffer to get my exemption!!!

I go out, trying to catch the bus to get to my car, finding 6 buses already parked!! (i say to myself, WOW, nice i’ll get an easy ride) but ALAS!!! they are all on break…i wait 5-10 mins, another bus comes, and suddenly out of no where, 10000000 people running towards it trying to catch it.

Have you seen the movie Titanic? Remember the rescue scene?where everyone is trying to get into the boats? i’ve seen it! LIVE in the Haikesteb!

Offcourse i couldn’t get in, so i decided to walk, i had to do a 4KM walk in the desert, the weather was not really that bad, but it was not a nice walk am telling you…specially with an athlete like me
On my way, i found a woman selling coke\fanta\sprite so i got myself a can of sprite, again it costed 4le (double the normal price) but i really needed it.

Arriving the parking where i left my car, finding it crowded with cars, that there is NO WAY to get my car out, i go to the soldier where i bought the parking ticket he said: “wana a3melak eh? – what do you want me to do?” i said nothing and left…trying to push the cars to make a space for myself to go out…a young guy started to help me, finding out it’s the “menady” you know who is that if you live in egypt, its some kind of a parking assistance that expects you to give him money in return of nothing…..except this time he was useful to me

I get out hardly without scratching my car…and i gave him 1LE and went to work….

So, to summarize the day:

• I wasted 4 hours of my life on nothing.
• They could have told me the needed papers, or wrote it down on a piece of paper on on the wall so i dont have to wait more than hour in a stupid queue just to know that i miss a ***** birth certificate.
• I paid a total of: 25.25LE(not counting what i paid last time, or what i’ll pay next time i go) – why do i have to pay all this!! Come on! am not going to the army you stupid idiots anyway!!!and am suffering with you already!!! don’t force me to hate the country! Make it free! its not my DARN responsibility to go to the army!
• I was late for work
• I suffered and lost my temper at least twice
• Gained a 20% extra hate

Nasi7a, ehrab men el balad di, madam heya di el mo3amla, ma7adesh yestahel…

• We are humans
• Time is valuable, not all people sit on the coffee smoking me3asel all day long
• Do not suck my blood and force me to pay you (e.g. parking, bus)
• If you will force me to do a service for you, make it in a nice way, don’t be like “7asana wana sidak” don’t bully me!!! (mesh 2atawa heya wala ferda 7atkhodha meny!)

Last word, I HATE YOU ALL!!!! YES YOU!!!!!!!! YOU ALL SUCK!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!

I have been drinking Anise(mara wa7ed talab yanson, gaboulo yatazakaron, howa da el anise) from ISIS (el 7ayah ba2et organic)…el mohem, everyday i put the anise bag in my mug, and go fix myself a nice hot cup of yansoon…while drinking, i noticed this…there are some seeds at the bottom of the mug, the first few days, i thought they fell from the bag…i didn’t mind at all, then when it happened a lot… i questioned the quality of the anise bag.

But then i realized the bag is untouched, its sealed pretty good actually….so where the heck does those seeds come from!!!!!!

I started to think that its an attempt to get me addicted to some substance, or someone is trying to poison me….you know how important i am and how my position leave me a target for all the villains!!!

I was really getting suspicious…. so i decided to taste it.. i know its dangerous move, BUT, i had to take the risk…

Guess what it was?
.
.
.
.
Click to read more

continue reading…

Is it just me, or have you ever noticed this…the only thing we (Egyptians and Arabs) are good at is talking.

Everybody is saying poems and poetry, writing stupid meaningless books regarding meaningless subjects (ألاسرار الخفية فى حياة حمادة حسين,,,,,الخلاصة الفتاكة فى السياسة يا ولاد ال****)

Watch the TV, all the talk shows, when they do not present singers or actors, they get the next best thing….poets and writers, they start saying crap and bullshit something like
الحلزونة ياما الحلزونة
I swear am not joking, i heard stuff similar to this on TV today….just meaningless crap.

I never saw an engineer speaking about any discoveries or any new technology.
I never saw a doctor (except dakatret el takhsess -diet- and dakatret el tagmeel) talking about anything that have a meaning or could benefit a sane human being.

All what we do is talk talk talk….7ata gam3et el dowal el 3arabeya (the Arab League) all what they do is talking.

The most famous thing the older arabs were famous for, was talking!

Get into a taxi,hair dresser (7ala2), sit with your relatives that you don’t see frequently…all what they do is talking…am not against it…talking is fine…but at least talk about something useful, something i care about.

Go sit with your friends 3al 2ahwa,,, the subjects are mainly one of the following:

• Haifaa wahby – new clips – mozaz
• El ahly – zamalek – abo trika
• wa7ed beyefty (non true stories)
• El doktor ebn el kalb ely mesta2sadny
• How shitty my life is

W howa da ely fa7en feh,,,kalam w bas….

Gmail is my favorite email, its clean, its easy, and the spam filter is just amazing!!!Its accuracy made me think someday that they might have real persons filtering mail manually!

Every time you log into gmail, you have that space counter telling you your space now is > 4GB and counting….it never stops!! are google invading the world of HD or something?do they have an army conquering all the hard disks and storage areas in the world and converting them to gmail?

WHERE THE HELL DO THEY GET ALL THIS SPACE!?!?

My first hardrive was 80Mb…that was 15 years ago….now my email storage is more than 4000MB now more than 5200MB 6155MB(30/12/2007)!!!

Also, dont you ever think to yourself, why is google is doing this for free?they have all these amazing services (search,webhistory,gmail,video,blogs,news,IG,suggest search,more,more,more) do you really think they make all this money from the stupid advertising?COME ON,, you never even clicked on one of these ads!!!

It cant be, I am sure (and i have proof for that) that Google are getting a fund from the Aliens and are planning to invade our minds and soul so they can takeover the world, and use our brains as storage for their AlienMail service.

If you know me well, then you probably know this: “I cant wake up” – END OF STATEMENT -
I can stay awake for 3 days without an hour of sleep, and i’ll be all good, no problem, but if i sleep….it’d be a miracle if you can wake me up.

I am scared of sleeping alone, for no other reason than if the house falls on my head, i will not wake up!

Anyway, i have to get to work before 10:00am, so i try to sleep as early as possible, and set the alarm on 7:30am which should be quite enough, as the journey from home to work is only 30mins….

But do i ever get there on time?nope! I keep snoozing the alarm from 7:30 to 9:30 IMAGINE!!!! i wake up (offcourse) having a headache.

I run like a maniac trying to get dressed, and drive like crazy to get to work….i park my car some time between 9:59 and 10:01, its a world record!!! but is that enough?nope… i still get into trouble, because by the time i get on my computer and sign in, an email is sent to my boss saying that am late :S !!!!

There must be something i can do here, like these old arabic movies, or Tom & Jerry, where they make a machine connected to the alarm, when it rings, a ball runs and hit a hammer that falls into a water bucket which floods on my bed or something.

When i had a GF, i never had this problem, she kept calling me on the time i need to wake up, non stop, she wouldn’t  stop unless she made sure am awake (though i sometimes was able to fake my voice and continue sleeping)…ahhh.. good ol’ days

So, to narrow down my options, here are the possible solutions, please recommend:

• Buy a slave and get him to wake me up in the morning
• Sleep at work
• Get a girl friend
• Marry an old rich woman (so i wont have to wake up to work!!!)

These are some funny IRC (remember that old chatting program?) thought i would share:

<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i’m going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
——————————
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn’t cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?
——————————
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
—————————-
<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad
—————————
<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There’s a dude next to me and he’s watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.
————————–
<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%
—————————
<studdud> what the fuck is wtf
————————–
< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.
————————-
<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS’s is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
————————-
<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?
————————
<Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;””
<Tsk> sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.
———————–

My Favorite Geeky quote (you will not understand if not programmer):

<Jumper_> for an optimist the glass is half full, for a pessimist it is half empty, for an engineer it’s twice as big as it needs to be
<Thraddash> for a programmer it has too few interfaces?
<Jumper_> for a programmer it’s a Basic Input Output System (BIOS) with a buffer overflow just waiting to happen

I am not going to discuss how awesome Firefox is, and that Micros0ft sucks, and that IE is to browsers like tamer hosni is to good music, because its obvious, and i dont need, its a known fact, did you know that 97.6% of IE code contain bugs?no you didnt, because i just made that up….but it doesnt make a difference, because am sure its true.

But instead, am going to tell you how stupid sites are, they think that everyone use IE and Windows! let me tell you: “YOU ARE A ****** ******* Idiot,,yes you!!!” i use Firefox and Linux, its the best combination ever, if you think no, then you are dumb, go away or i will shoot you!!! [1]

How come a website like Telecom Egypt not have something like that in mind?WTF! i cant view my phone bill unless i use IE?is that some kind of conspiracy?mesh kefaya enoko betesra2ouni already in my bill? ya betou3 edfa3 ba3d keda eshteky,,matkhalounish afata7 3elab, w a2aleb 3aleko el mawage3!!!

And the stupid Mazika, you are using DRM, good for you(i can crack it by the way! its stupid, its not safe), thats better than telecom egypt, instead of an empty page, Mazika displays a page saying that you need an IE browser! DOH, am not going to use your stupid site, because you use DRM and you force me to use IE!!! so are you telling me to use IE and windows?again?please refer to [1]

Bottom line is, TEST YOUR WEBSITE WITH FIREFOX YOU IDIOT!!!! USE STANDARD HTML!!!NOT THIS CRAP THEY DO IN  M$ TOILETS!!!

Use http://validator.w3.org/ to validate your site…make sure its compatible, if you make a public service, you dont expect the user to change his environment  to suit your needs, you should.

Even if the users will do so, I WILL NOT!!! and you *really* don’t want to piss me off…. at least online

i was browsing online today, i was listening to very nice music from KennyG and found a link to tamer hosni’s website(i hate the guy, i just opened the link to make fun of it) so i opened it in a new tab, and continued reading what i was reading.

And suddenly, out of no where, the fa***t was screaming in my ear “W BARDO LESA BETA3′LATY” in the loudest volume i could ever hear.

For God sake!!!! you frightened me, i hate you! mesh na2es 3′er enak tenzely mel 7anafeya ba3d keda!!!

That also reminds me of the stupid advertising on Egyptian websites (and some non Egyptian websites too), they display a HUGE flash advertising covering all the page, not only that, but sometimes displaying the close button after 10-15 seconds to force you to see the ad.

And sometimes the stupid ad is not compatible with Firefox and i just cant close it…..ahhhh…how many site did i close because of that?****HATE****HATE****HATE****HATE****

Websites should not display any stupid pictures\bestiality\gay p0rn\advertising\stupid sound\stupid music\anything related to tamer hosni\or hany salama UNLESS i requested to do so…. COME ON respect my privacy!!! a good thing i used to do is surf without Flash and JavaScript support, but that was a pain in the a$$ , 90% of the websites were not usable.

Anyway, i thought it was a good idea to mention that i hate tamer hosni, and i also hate stupid advertising, spammers and people invading my privacy and browser.