Charafantah's Cave

WOW! i finally got it people!!!!

I am exempted from the army!!!! i went again to the haikesteb today, AND I DID IT!!! I GOT MY EXEMPTION!

I woke up so early today, at 6:30am, headed to Haikesteb, arriving there at 7:15am, it was slightly better than everytime, not very crowded, there was a place to park, and the bus that takes you inside was not so full.

I went to another building to get my papers, and WOW! it’s WAY much better than the other, there are automatic numbers at the door, a soldier as you what you need to do, and he then gives you a printed number, all the windows have a digital display that shows the number being served now, and when it changes, it’s announced on the speakers.

Quite impressive to see something like that there.

I gave him the receipt, and they gave me back the exemption paper after 15 mins, this is the least time i spent waiting in haikesteb, i think it’s a world record. though the guy called my name wrong a few times, but i was ok, nothing bad happens (he insisted my name is Sherif, though it’s clearyly written Achraf in front of him,,,na3mel eh ba2a fel ta3lim el magany التعليم المجانى)

I (again) had to put my finger print (I CAN F*** WRITE YOU IDIOTS) to get the exemption….and i headed to work…

i didnt take long in haikesteb, which made me very happy + getting my exemption =  Happy x Achraf x Happy

I tried to take a short cut through the ring road (الطريق الدائرى) , but i ended up getting in the wrong direction due to the wrong road sign (if you’re coming from the way of Souk El Obour  (سوق العبور) and going to the Airport way, there is a sign that says Alex. Desert Road —-> Right       well, not right, it’s wrong actually if you take that right you will end up in the way of Alex. Agriculture Road…..like i did.

well, i was ok, not so pissed of, because i was happy already…i stopped at Emirates gas station, had a nescafe, asked for directions and headed to work.

I only lost like 30mins, which is not really bad.

I also happened to play “Radio Roulette”  with Scott and Heba on NileFM, the song i got was unknown to everyone, but luckily it was good ( i dont remember the artist or song name) but it was fine.

Well, i guess that’s the end of my adventures with Haikesteb and the army…i will start tomorrow my adventures with getting a passport…i hope i suffer less, wish me luck.

OK…so i went to the Haikesteb again today….here’s how it goes:- Wakeup 7:00am, arrive in Haikesteb at 8:00am, the traffic was not as bad as last time…but it wasn’t smooth either.

- Parking again, and paying 2 LE….but not to find any place in the parking to leave my car….after a few rounds around the parking, some dude (el menady, from the previous post if you remember him, no it wasn’t the same guy) called me to park in a park nearby, off course, that was not included in the 2LE i already paid.

- I go and get on the stupid bus again, with the smelly people, and an extra 0.25LE to pay…to arrive at the entrance with the gates closed and THOUSANDS of people in a HUGE space waiting for the gates to open.

- I was terrified and thought i will never finish today and decided to leave….but i knew that these people are coming to the medical test…which is in a totally different place than mine, 5 minutes later, the gates are open, i had to wait like 10 minutes for the crowd to pass, then i entered, no one stopped me this time at the gates.

- I go to the same place as last time, to find the same army officer trying to organize the crowd, this time, he has a microphone and shouting at people, he was nice and made a few jokes, i went to him and gave him my ID to wait for my turn, he looked at me closely and recognized that i came before.

- A few minutes later, he left the room, and then things started to work the egyptian way, everyone is trying to speak with the employees on the windows, everyone is trying to use the chance that the officer is not there and bypass their turn to get it earlier.
I even heard this conversation between a boy and his father
Father: “go quickly before they notice you”
Boy: “but dad he has my id and told me to wait”
Father: “DO YOU THINK I HAVE THE WHOLE DAY FOR YOU??!!!@@@”

- This is a typical egyptian behavior, you need someone to force you obey the law and rules… you can never do it yourself, and if there is no punishment, you will break the law.
Egyptians love to mess up things, and LOVE to hack things and brag about how they done something in a way they shouldn’t do.
Also, we love to be in a chaos, any idea of organizing Egyptians, will lead to a complete failure. an excellent proof of what am saying is driving in Egypt, just go to a main street mid day and see for yourself, or even better!!! go to City Stars on the weekend and experience the world’s #1 chaos.

Ok, so i bet you know what i mean by now.

- Anyway, the officer hear the noise, and returns, start shouting at everyone, humiliated a few people, he seemed pretty angry, again things started to get organized (relatively) and they started again calling people for service.

So, after waiting for an hour and a half, they called my name, i went gave the guy my papers and my ID and my father’s… luckily i didn’t need to bring a guarantor with me, it’s only needed if you’re under 21, you have to bring your father\uncle\cousin\grand father if your parents are divorced, you have to bring your mom too!!!!! this insane, a lot of people had failed trip to haikesteb because of that.
I don’t even imagine myself telling my mom or dad to come with me to this hell and wait all this long… i think they would prefer that i serve in the military, it would be easier.

- So i give the guy the papers, and he told me wait a few minutes and we’ll call your name again.
So minutes passes by, and i hear no one calling, i start to worry, seeing that the room is getting only full, no one leaves, people just come in. So i ask the army officer, he tells me that there is a committee of 5 people revising my papers, then delivered to a soldier who input this stuff on computer, and then given to another soldier who call the names and fill some other paper work and then you do something and that’s it, so it takes time, he told me not more than 15-30 mins.

- After 3 hours waiting….(YES! 3 **FRIGGIN** HOURS!) they managed to call my name again, i go there, the guy give me some kind of receipt, my ID and want to take my finger print….the reason for the finger print is in place of a signature!!!!
BUT I CAN F**** READ AND WRITE YOU IDIOTSSS!!!!! AM NOT ILLITERATE!
anyway, the soldier wouldn’t let me read what i was *agreeing* on, he said it’s normal *stuff* well, i was bored to death and wanted to leave so i didn’t argue with that and just gave him the finger!!! ( if you know what i mean! )

I ask him where do i get the exemption from, he says i have to COME BACK 3 DAYS LATER!!!! with the receipt he gave me (WTF!!! You can just print it from the computer in front of you!!!JUST LET ME GO PLZZZZ)

Ok, so i give up, i head home, at least i got something done today….

On my way back, noticing the last bus leaving in fully booked!!there is no room for a fly inside, people standing on the bus steps, people hanging from the windows, it was a total mess.

I didn’t think of getting on it off course…so i go for the walk….well, i got used to it by now.

So, to summarize the day:

• I wasted 5 hours in haikesteb on just delivering the papers, and “putting my finger print” on another
• I wasted 2 hours in traffic
• I haven’t got my exemption papers, i have to go back in 3 days.
• I arrive to work at 3:00pm ( i should be there at 9:00am-10:00am)
• I got bored to death

please wish me luck next time i go,,, i don’t want to suffer again, plz God!!!
my next adventure after getting the exemption will be: ” Getting a passport, for dummies” but i hear it’s much easier that this,,,well,, i will see for myself, very soon.

Yes, i just came back from “Haikesteb” for those who don’t know what Haikesteb is, it’s a vast place in the middle of the desert, on the borders of Cairo, where you have to present yourself for the obligatory military service.

Yegy wa7ed yes2alny, enta 3andak geish? agy ana a2olo la2!!! omal raye7 elhaikesteb leh ya captain? a2olo: 3ashan di balad bent **** ***** #@(*&$ #@(*& *&$@^*&!)~^

Ana el shab el 7ela, omy w abouya rabena ebtalahom beya ana bas….men yom ma etwaladt w omy w abouya mesh tay2en yeshofo 3eyal tany…

El mohem, di tany mara arou7 feha el haikesteb, ba3d maro7t awel mara, w 2alouly el wara2 el matloub wel lazy meno…

I got into my car early in the morning 8:00 am, i arrived there at 9:00 am, though it’s not so far from my home, but the traffic was incredible.

I had to pay 2le to park the car (DOH!!! you F**** force me to get into the army and make me pay too! ah ya welad el 7arameya!!!)
I knew from my previous visit, that i have to park, and then get into a rusty dusty old bus for 0.25le to get to the employees to finish your paper.

After being stuck in the bus like a Sardine fish

and smelling a lot of **** from people standing beside you

We arrived, i try to get into the place, and there is this army soldier trying to organize the entrance, and shouting at people, he made us stand in a line, and made us buy a 1LE application form and let us in.

I found out later that i don’t need this form, but its ok, trying to pass the second gate, the other soldier tried to tell me that i need application form #6 gond!, i told him no thanks, he would’nt let me pass without it…i started to shout, a higher ranking officer came in, and again i didn’t need that application, so i made fun of him and passed, he was so pissed off which really made my day. hehehe

El mohem, going inside, the place is not bad at all, it looks like just renewed everything like a month or two, i give it 6-8 months to get all destroyed again.

I find hundreds of people trying to submit their papers, i have no idea where to go, or if my papers are complete or not.

Suddenly, a high ranking officer came in, trying to organize things, he ordered everyone to sit down, and took their ID cards and told them to wait until he called them.

I tried to ask if my papers are complete or not…but he instead took my ID too and told me to wait!!!!

I tried to ask him a few times if i need any more papers or not, but he refused to answer me.

After 1:15 (YES! you read it right, its one hour 15 minutes) of waiting they finally managed to call my name.

i go to the employee, first thing he say (without even looking at my paper) “hat estemara zar2a w ta3ala” (get the blue application and come back) !!! what the heck?? i go to the other office, i ask the soldier nicely to get me the application, instead he is telling jokes to his friends, i started to loose patience and raise my voice, he looks at me as if am a piece of dog poop and ignored me, as a punishment he started servicing other people who came later, again, i lose patience, i say a comment out in the wild implying on him, people laugh, and he through the application in my face, which i don’t respond to because i was not really in the moode. (again, how much the application costs? 17LE )

I get back to the first employee, to find out that i cant finish the papers today, guess why?

i bet you know, guess why?!!!

MY FATHER’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS F*@*($& MISSING!!!!!

This is bull s**** you could have told me this 2 hours ago and i would bring it and come another day! but no! i have to suffer, if am getting an exemption and i will escape from the daily suffer at the army, at least i have to suffer to get my exemption!!!

I go out, trying to catch the bus to get to my car, finding 6 buses already parked!! (i say to myself, WOW, nice i’ll get an easy ride) but ALAS!!! they are all on break…i wait 5-10 mins, another bus comes, and suddenly out of no where, 10000000 people running towards it trying to catch it.

Have you seen the movie Titanic? Remember the rescue scene?where everyone is trying to get into the boats? i’ve seen it! LIVE in the Haikesteb!

Offcourse i couldn’t get in, so i decided to walk, i had to do a 4KM walk in the desert, the weather was not really that bad, but it was not a nice walk am telling you…specially with an athlete like me
On my way, i found a woman selling coke\fanta\sprite so i got myself a can of sprite, again it costed 4le (double the normal price) but i really needed it.

Arriving the parking where i left my car, finding it crowded with cars, that there is NO WAY to get my car out, i go to the soldier where i bought the parking ticket he said: “wana a3melak eh? – what do you want me to do?” i said nothing and left…trying to push the cars to make a space for myself to go out…a young guy started to help me, finding out it’s the “menady” you know who is that if you live in egypt, its some kind of a parking assistance that expects you to give him money in return of nothing…..except this time he was useful to me

I get out hardly without scratching my car…and i gave him 1LE and went to work….

So, to summarize the day:

• I wasted 4 hours of my life on nothing.
• They could have told me the needed papers, or wrote it down on a piece of paper on on the wall so i dont have to wait more than hour in a stupid queue just to know that i miss a ***** birth certificate.
• I paid a total of: 25.25LE(not counting what i paid last time, or what i’ll pay next time i go) – why do i have to pay all this!! Come on! am not going to the army you stupid idiots anyway!!!and am suffering with you already!!! don’t force me to hate the country! Make it free! its not my DARN responsibility to go to the army!
• I was late for work
• I suffered and lost my temper at least twice
• Gained a 20% extra hate

Nasi7a, ehrab men el balad di, madam heya di el mo3amla, ma7adesh yestahel…

• We are humans
• Time is valuable, not all people sit on the coffee smoking me3asel all day long
• Do not suck my blood and force me to pay you (e.g. parking, bus)
• If you will force me to do a service for you, make it in a nice way, don’t be like “7asana wana sidak” don’t bully me!!! (mesh 2atawa heya wala ferda 7atkhodha meny!)

Last word, I HATE YOU ALL!!!! YES YOU!!!!!!!! YOU ALL SUCK!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!